Broken Ornament (12/24/xx)

I had been there before but today was different. That ugly piece of beautiful lying naked on top of me. "Where will this go", I asked and he smiled. He pinned me down gently and bit my lower lip then whispered something in my ear. I couldn't make out of what he said but I knew it was a tacit suggestion to lie still. I could feel the cold wind piercing out of the broken glass of the window. I tried to look out but it was obstructed by an old austere Christmas tree covered with tacky ornaments. Some cracked, some stained and rusty. I studied the tree carefully hoping to find one fine ornament and I did. It was beautiful, well burnished, white and luminous. Hanging on the edge of an anemic branch. I was afraid it was going to fall. I felt a heavy breeze and the fortiuitous ornament landed on a dirty santa doll supported by yet another anemic branch. My teary eyes were pierced on the beautiful ornament. I didn't want it to break. I lied still and there it came. Another breeze.

Om supports RAINN

Fear of Rejection

I think it worked tonight. I played all my cards right. This dude is trapped. He's not going to sleep tonight, that I am sure of. I know exactly how it's going to play out. He's going to walk into that fancy Brazilian restaurant, probably wearing his favorite black sweater. He's going to forget to smile at first, something he does when he's nervous. Then he'll start out by asking how I'm doing, followed by a compliment and some small talk. He will look around occasionally to catch his breath but I'll keep a constant stare at him to make him a little more uncomfortable. Somewhere in the midst of dinner he will work up the courage to tell me, he will first wipe the sweat off his forehead and then maybe prolong the question with some sort of disclaimer and then it will come. His face will start blushing starting from his ears; He'll try to make some subtle physical contact but will himself shy away. I'll look directly at him and keep a straight face the entire time. He'll pop the question and boom, I'll shoot him down aiming straight for his heart. I have great aim. He waited too long.

I think it's my cue to act. Oh, I can't sleep tonight. It's making me nervous. How am I going to do this? Oh come on, it can't be that difficult. I'll put on something nice, maybe my black sweater. It makes me look thin. I'll walk into the Brazilian restaurant, greet her with a smile, act cool and ask her about her day. Compliments come naturally when I see her, so that will carry the conversation. I'll look around to familiarize myself with the space around us, try to capture the moment. Oh, I hope she's not too attentive, her eyes make me nervous. I will then reach for her hands and calmly ask her what I have been longing for. Oh, who am I kidding? She’ll probably shoot me down and break my heart. It's probably not the right time. Maybe I should wait a little longer.

Om liked the story telling in Melinda and Melinda

Oops I did it again

I can't help but notice that there's a striking similarity in the careers of Bush and Britney

Bush faced a major challenge when America came under terrorist attack on 9/11.

Poor Britney got dumped by a n'stink heartthrob and cried him a river.

Bush decided to go after Iraq in search of WMDs.

Britney went in search for true love.

Bush didn't find WMDs but he got Saddam.

Britney got intoxicated and found true love in a self acclaimed rappist K-Fed.

This is when America started praying for our beloved Britney and Bush.

Brtiney popped out a baby to prove her true love - America prayed more.

Bush used establishing democracy in Iraq to cover the WMD blunber and sent more troops.

Britney said to hit her one more time and popped out one more baby.

Bush got pressured by the rest of the world, he decided to send more troops.

They both came to a point where there was a decission to be made. Several commisions, Experts, world leaders and even advisors suggested that going into Iraq might have been a mistake. But we're still seeing our beloved Bush with that same smile on his face stating: "Whether you're with us or against us", who is this "us" are we referring to? 38% of Americans? What does it take to admit that there's a boo boo that has been made? How about an apology? It's maddening that there's no cost of being wrong, even if it translates to thousands of people dead and billions of dollars down the drain.

Well Atleast our Britney realized what she had done and left K-Fed. Let's see what our presidents next move is? Let me guess. more troops?

What is she talking about?

Love brings pain so if you want to avoid pain, you should avoid Love. But it's painful not to be loved. Which means you'll be in pain regardless of love or not. But if you want to be happy you're gonna have to love which means to be happy you'll have to experience pain. But then again pain makes you unhappy. Does that mean love makes you unhappy? If so, then to avoid this pain you must not love but if you want to be happy you might have to live with pain. Wait a minute, is this a trap?

Om enjoyed watching Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind

Rest in peace

The night was blue, not because of hard day at work, not because those stupid Indian soaps that were pissing me off and not even after an argument with Object. Nothing managed to shake off a thought of a dear friend so close to loosing a loved one. I kept thinking how he must have been sitting on that orange chair recalling every sweet moment that he spent with his loved one his entire life. Slumber somehow caught up to me until my phone rang in the middle of the night, which I wish, was a bad dream but it wasn’t.

The morning was gloomy, everything felt worthless. I started to recall the marriage proposal I witnessed last evening, I remember feeling so happy for the couple and until last evening I was only imagining how beautiful it is to be able to commit to someone for rest of your life. But this morning “rest of your life” didn’t seem enough. How limited is this lifetime?

I was terrified. It wasn’t just feeling for a friend anymore at the funeral. Now is when my selfish instincts started kicking in. I pictured myself standing at his position, I was stunned, and I kept asking myself if I could ever have courage to face this? How much of my parent’s life have I missed already and how much more is left for me to catch on to? Would I ever be able to collect more memories? And if I do, wouldn’t it make it more difficult? Should I be worried about how difficult it would be for me to part or should I be worried about providing whatever it is that I can to my loved ones before its time so there are less regrets? I look up again and this time there’s a kid playing with the puddle of mud on the side unaware of what is happening around him. I wanted to be that kid!

Ornaments that fell (in love)

"Ofcourse I am. I have felt that tingly feeling in my heart several times before", I said in response to object's analysis of my incapability of ever falling in love or expressing my emotions. She nodded with a smile and I got out of the car. I had to replay the whole conversation in my mind before going to bed which made me think back and remember all the times I felt butterflies for someone.

Surely, object was wrong it all started in the elementary school where I remember standing up to this bully who was trying to take her lunch money.

I remember the time in middle school when I sold all my cds to my friend to buy that necklace for her, hell I even remember imitating this lover from some cheesy Indian movie and wrote a letter with my blood when she decided to never see me again.

What about that time when I would stay up and talk to her all night long and sometimes she would fall asleep but I would stay on the phone just to hear her breathe.

I remember the bet with my friends to jump off the balcony if I truly loved her which I fearlessly did and ended up in the hospital. All the pain was worth when she brought me flowers and kissed my forehead.

I remember the letters, the greeting cards, that box full of her little gifts. I remember the day dreaming, those subtle eye contacts and those fights over small things that ended up with a trail of I love yous.

Wait a minute. That wasn't me was it? It was those damn ornaments. I guess object is right once again.

So she says...

Poor soul I see,
searching for something.

"What is it that I am searching for?",
she asks.

She asks her pals,
who say it all with their eyes.

So she turns to the mirror,
that glances back at her with confusion.

So she turns to me,
I lack the answer.

So she turns to her soul,
that direct her to God.

So she asks her God,
and then only she finds...

"The perfection?",
"The truth?",
"The satisfaction",
I ask.

"The search",
She says.

Om highly recommends Conference of the Birds

Back from C-Poy

Now I got that feeling once again.
I can't explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.
(Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd, song that was playing before the first lecture)

For the sake of keeping the conversation going she asks: "Have you ever had an experience that changed your life forever?". I have heard this one before and this question never fails to make me glance back to all that I can remember about my past life in 15 seconds. I don't have just one, I got several of them and they all jump up my memory lane all at once and make their way to the tip of my tongue but don't quiet make it out. "She doesn't really care to hear" beats them to it and then I come up with some stupid meaningless trip that I may or may not have taken in past filled with imaginary details about how beautiful the scenery was mixed with the dream I had the night before to add the adventure. Drive back home after such instances are quiet interesting because I enjoy talking to myself about my life changing experiences.

The trip to the Cpoy land was everything I hoped for. It was 2 weeks filled with exhaustion, sleep deprivation and tons of reading. But it was all worth gaining what it had to offer. I met some truly wonderful people who inspired me to reach for my goals. Also, I felt honored to be in a company of great teachers who made it to "my most influential teachers" list. And to add to that I made some wonderful new friends and ofcourse the object.

Thanks Cpoy for the next time she asks about my experience, you'll be sure to make it to the tip of my tongue and might even further if she deserves it.

Thanks Ali

Thanks for the post Ali.

http://aligreinvented.blogspot.com/2006/07/on-request-of-friend-passage.html#links

Bomb Shelter

So I got this toy for Jack, right? and then Jill was like "I wanna play with it" and I was like, let Jack play with it for now. So Jill gets all mad and throws a rocket at Jack. I mean not a real rocket, one of those foamy thingies, you know what I mean?. So Jack gets all mad and then he throws that rocket thingy back at Jill. And while they're fighting over it my girlfriend Jane walks in and goes, "Aren't you gonna stop them" and I was like, "well, Jack wants to play with his toy but Jill keeps throwing that rocket on Jack so Jack's gotta do something about it. right?" and Jane was like: "But if they keep on fighting then they might get hurt" and I was like: "oh well, I'll let them work it out".

I am hopeful today :)

Sleepless nights continue but I feel hopeful today. Maybe 'cause its Khushali or just a new day, I believe things will get better and this world in NOT coming to an end.

So we've got extremist school of thought very much existing, not just in religious but also in political beliefs. This clash of belief system causes a lot of challenges and it feels like the world is sunk in chaos. It's easy be overwhelmed by these challenges but one must stay motivated to make the change because there's an alternative to just sit and witness. And the answers might not be too far from us:

* Ok, so we don't have cure for Cancer or Aids or many other undiscovered diseases. But if you think about it, not too long ago we were not blessed with Flu shots, or those gel caps that gets rid of common headaches. Did people survive? How did they overcome the pain? Well, they accepted the diseases just like they accepted pollution, poor lifestyles and life which was not dominated by media which could uncover or hide the corrupted politics. Isn't the same human impulse is going to help us through the so called "modern times". I am hopeful.

* Hunger. Noone is unaware of those images of african kids, covered with mud and looking not much different that skeletons we see in our science labs. Is there anyway we can overcome their hunger? Issue here surely is not awareness, and we know people like Gates and Buffet will always be out there to provide the wealth so is it "will" we are lacking? All of a sudden it doesn't feel like too big of an issue to me. The idea of global citizenship is growing rapidly (thanks to internet) so I don't believe it will be too long before those images of moving skeletons will soon be turned into smiling faces with rosy cheeks. I am hopeful.

* Gobal warming. You might be one of the many just like me who have been scared by Mr. Gore about global warming but I hope that you left the theatre feeling positive 'cause you know now what you can do to play your part. And if you're not, know this that despite of US laws and their low standards in pollution control, technology can surprise you like it has several times in the past. Hybrid technology was an unheard of idea not too long ago and similary the technological advancement is bound to control global warming and excessive fuel control. I am hopeful.

* How about the images of what half the world recognizes as war? Another product of belief clash. But if you're the one who is against war then know that half of the world is behind you. Now this may not end tomorrow but investing in future of coming generation wouldn't be vain. The idea of global peace will prevail. I am hopeful.

* Last but not least, you don't have to be Che Guerra to make a difference but you can't imprison yourself in your air conditioned luxury vehicle with a frowny face. It truly is a matter of choice and attitude. We have to change our thinking and stop fearing failure because there's no such thing as failing when we're trying to bring a change its just a matter of time. All we have to do is join the path of millions around us are already walking and feel proud to be a part of it. If we join this walk then change is bound to happen. I am hopeful.

Khushali Mubarak to all my Ismaili friends.


(Blog inspired by Deepak Chopra's "World isn't ending. Now what?")

Bad News !!

Sleepless night. Not a single good news on TV. 2 accidents on the way to work. Images of Palestine bomb blast all over the internet. Plane crash in Pakistan just an hour ago, leaving 40 dead. Car bombs and gunmen on rampage in Baghdad leaving undisclosed number of people dead. and its only 7:21 a.m.


Ahhhh.... Let's try and have a good day.

Poor Ken

Wow, how do you respond to that?

Ken grew up as the son of a Baptist minister, sold farm equipment and worked at a feed store, top student in High school, participated in choir and school marching band, worked hard in college and earned a degree in economics and then worked his way up in the business world. Spent most of his free time with his 5 children and 12 grandchildren. And generously donated in church and promoted art through his charity organization, died this morning of a heart attack.

Ken who has been awaiting sentencing after being found guilty for being involved in Enron fraud, including conspiracy to commit wire fraud, perpetrating wire and bank fraud, and making false and misleading statements to employees at a company meeting, as well as to banks, securities analysts and corporate credit-rating agencies, died this morning of a heart attack.

Choices in Life.

Another thing that comes in my mind about Gates and Buffet's charity efforts. Which one is better?

You work all your life, make tons of money and then use your money to make a major impact like what Gates foundation is doing in terms of vaccination and desease prevention.

OR

You dedicate your whole life into charitable work and humanitarian assistance and do your best to make a difference in small little segments to make this world a better place?

Which one is better? Did Gates and Buffet go into business world with a goal, thinking that when they reach that goal, they'll help the needy? or were they just another money and success hungry people who just got lucky and then decided they should do something good now?

Do people who stay charitable and dedicate their whole life in social work, do they ever dream of making it big and succesfull like Gates and Buffet so they can make a real difference in the lives of millions or do they stay content with just improving lives of a handful? do they regret their choices in life?

Om supports Gates Foundation

Exclusive right to "Truth"

Message of my class over the weekend was "Let there be no compulsion in religion" and I made sure to drill this in all my student's heads very well. I must admit, lots of what I teach my kids is not something I have known for a long time either, I learn as I go. And it's the best feeling in the world to know that your personal belief matches your religious belief.

I asked my kids if they thought our religion believed in "Exlusivism" and most of them confidently said yes. I don't blame them, ofcourse they think that they've got an eclusive right on Truth because they haven't been told otherwise. Then I brought in the idea of "Inclusivism" and all of the sudden they felt more comfortable thinking that this makes more sense and again majority agreed on the idea of inclusivism. And then I introduced to them the idea of "Pluralism" and I gotta admit that I felt a little discomfort and even disappointment from the class when it was revealed to them that No, they don't have an exlusive right to "The Truth" if there's such a thing.

I don't know if the disappointment was because they lost what they thought they had or because their personal belief didn't match with their religious belief. Either way, I am honored to be a part of their journey to self discovery.

Om like the Islamic blog site Islamicate

When I woke up..

After a night filled with music from Pixies, I went to bed knowing it would be difficult to wake up in an hour but my extreme exhaustion and my strong faith to be able to wake myself up was convincing enough. My faith didn't let me down, I did wake up. Several times. First it was at the Airport for the farewell of a friend. Next to say my goodbye to the favorites. Then at the international house of pancakes. Then outside of a country store sweating like a pig. Next time I found myself in a prison, not a prison but a replica in a prison museum. I woke up again in a shower this time to freshen up just so I can go to sleep without having to wake up again. My sleep was filled with a beautiful lie.

Om likes the Pixies

Escape

Morning drive, hands down is the high point of my day everyday. Being in my car for over an hour in the morning feels like being in a twilight zone, where I am unaware of anything outside of that piece of metal and glass. I have driven down those roads so much that I need not to pay attention to signs, signals and traffic. My radio usually jumps between BBC news channel, morning show with Rod Ryan, local news and weather channel and a cd of my choice. While lost in those radio waves and the thoughts of my own, nothing can touch me, not the guy flicking at me for cutting him off, not the minor accident that is backing everyone up, and not even the slow drivers in the left most lane. Sometime those lame games like "make yo mama curse" make me crack up, that old song "Last Kiss" by pearl jam almost gives me teary eyes, hearing about poverty in Africa and riots in Kashmir rages me. But all these emotions take me away from me. I have everything on mind except for "my life" and that escape I figured is what I enjoy the most. I can't do that in any other part of my day.

Om listens to NPR

Before 30 (another neverending blog)

I must I must I must write it down.

1- Sky dive atleast once. (Done!)
2- Learn another language.
3- Learn to play an instrument.
4- Learn to cook atleast one cuisine.
5- Learn to swim (*sigh*)
6- Get my Masters.

that's it for now.

Godot's got it goin on...

He really does and I don't get it. Loosing hair line, average looks, history of drug and alcohol use, and living with the parents but despite of all that he's the ladies man. Ok, let's list his cool points: umm... cool car, nice house, Educated, good taste in music, adventurous, confident, interesting to hang out with, nice clothes, classy personality, easy to get along and those weird yet cool eyewear... Oh I get it.

Om enjoyed reading Waiting for Godot

All the lonely people.

I just had the most surreal moment at a local super market. At 5:30a I was walking down the aisles, and every aisle had at least one employee with a scanner in his/her hand marking prices and no customers. So I am walking down those aisle and all I hear is the rolling of my cart, synchronized beeps from those scanners and the Beatles song playing the background

Ah, look at all the lonely people
Where do they all come from ?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong ?

Om wishes to know more about Beatles

Grillz!!

Got 30 down at the bottom, 30 mo at the top
All invisible set in little ice cube blocks
If I could call it a drink, call it a smile on da rocks
If I could call out a price, let's say I call out a lot

It has always amused me how people get creative with sealing their commitment of love. Some stick to the traditional wedding ring, but even in that, there are billion choices. You can do so much with colors, cuts, shapes and types of stone that the possibilities are endless. Some have decided to get away from ring tradition and use a wedding necklace or bracelet instead. Some indifferent people even have decided to do away with jewelery completely and get a tattoo instead, hell I know a person who has a ring tattoed on her finger with her hubby's name on it. Whatever way you choose to seal you commitment, it's truly beautiful. But just when I thought I've heard it all on the subject I met Theresa.

Just a little intro of Theresa: I met her last night in a bar for the very first time. She is a pretty chineese girl around 21. She knows curse words in atleast 7 different languages, owns a stuffed mono (Thats right, check out GiantMicrobes.com and it will make sense), Knows all of BJork's music, knows the band members of Fall out boy, likes to crack jokes of sexual nature. In a nutshell, pretty interesting person to hang out with. At the same time she seem to have crushes on upcoming famous rap artists.

So, Theresa catches me by surprise when she reveals that she plans to exchange "grillz" instead of wedding rings when she gets married. Now, me being a little naive about the hip hop culture found it really weird and at first I thought she was joking. But she was totally serious, Specifically 6 platinum caps with her hubby's initials on it and her husband is suppose to do the same with her initials on it. she tells me that it's not even anything new, everybody is doing it.

Now, as much as I am accepting of different cultures and their ways, I don't think I can ever be comfortable with the idea of grillz. I mean who likes to see someone smile and show off their shiny platinum grills instead of nice and clean set of teeth? How far are we going to push the idea of body jewellery? Oh well, I guess I am not that hip!

Smile fo me daddy
(What you lookin at)
Let me see ya grill
(Let you see my what)
Ya, ya grill ya, ya, ya grill

Om is amused by Giant Microbes

Absentee Chachu

I made a quick call to my brother in Pakistan yesterday and this little kid with the softest and most sweetest voice picked up the phone. It was my nephew of 5 yrs, he handed the phone to his dad telling him that its 'chachu'(uncle). This is probably the first time I heard that kid call me chachu and suddenly it hit me, that I have lost 5 years of my first ever nephew's life when he is growing up and learning things from every family member but me. He only knows me from all the pictures he has seen, which hasn't made him feel close enough to me to talk over the phone without shying away.

All of the sudden it made me realize all the responsibilities I have towards this kid and the role I should be playing in his life. Am I always going to be that absentee 'chachu' to my nephew and the rest of the new members of my dear family?

Dobel says...

Dobel says there’s always a person that you see everywhere you go. You don’t know the name of that person, don’t know where he lives or what he does but everywhere you go, there he is. It’s like you both are living the same life. Does anyone else see him?

Om recommends Anything else

Ornaments - Neverending Blog

Ornaments

*Dobel – Why? It’s like anything else
*MD – Almost an imaginary buddy.
*Beautiful Lie – formerly knows as walking piece of Art.
*Godot – still undecided
*Object/s – of my affection!
*My precious – precious.
*The favorites

Situations

*Green Leaf
*Waiting Room
*Uncle Sam