Rest in peace

The night was blue, not because of hard day at work, not because those stupid Indian soaps that were pissing me off and not even after an argument with Object. Nothing managed to shake off a thought of a dear friend so close to loosing a loved one. I kept thinking how he must have been sitting on that orange chair recalling every sweet moment that he spent with his loved one his entire life. Slumber somehow caught up to me until my phone rang in the middle of the night, which I wish, was a bad dream but it wasn’t.

The morning was gloomy, everything felt worthless. I started to recall the marriage proposal I witnessed last evening, I remember feeling so happy for the couple and until last evening I was only imagining how beautiful it is to be able to commit to someone for rest of your life. But this morning “rest of your life” didn’t seem enough. How limited is this lifetime?

I was terrified. It wasn’t just feeling for a friend anymore at the funeral. Now is when my selfish instincts started kicking in. I pictured myself standing at his position, I was stunned, and I kept asking myself if I could ever have courage to face this? How much of my parent’s life have I missed already and how much more is left for me to catch on to? Would I ever be able to collect more memories? And if I do, wouldn’t it make it more difficult? Should I be worried about how difficult it would be for me to part or should I be worried about providing whatever it is that I can to my loved ones before its time so there are less regrets? I look up again and this time there’s a kid playing with the puddle of mud on the side unaware of what is happening around him. I wanted to be that kid!

Ornaments that fell (in love)

"Ofcourse I am. I have felt that tingly feeling in my heart several times before", I said in response to object's analysis of my incapability of ever falling in love or expressing my emotions. She nodded with a smile and I got out of the car. I had to replay the whole conversation in my mind before going to bed which made me think back and remember all the times I felt butterflies for someone.

Surely, object was wrong it all started in the elementary school where I remember standing up to this bully who was trying to take her lunch money.

I remember the time in middle school when I sold all my cds to my friend to buy that necklace for her, hell I even remember imitating this lover from some cheesy Indian movie and wrote a letter with my blood when she decided to never see me again.

What about that time when I would stay up and talk to her all night long and sometimes she would fall asleep but I would stay on the phone just to hear her breathe.

I remember the bet with my friends to jump off the balcony if I truly loved her which I fearlessly did and ended up in the hospital. All the pain was worth when she brought me flowers and kissed my forehead.

I remember the letters, the greeting cards, that box full of her little gifts. I remember the day dreaming, those subtle eye contacts and those fights over small things that ended up with a trail of I love yous.

Wait a minute. That wasn't me was it? It was those damn ornaments. I guess object is right once again.